Friendships fill our lives with good things; acceptance, laughter, a listening ear, and the assurance that someone is on your side. But it can also be one of the most bitter experiences when a trusted friend hurts you. We can feel betrayed, disappointed, and hardens our hearts to that person. So how can we forgive a former friend that has hurt us deeply?
How To Forgive A Friend
As life unfolds, we may make many friends who come for a short time. Perhaps due to distance or differences in interest, we lose touch. But there are friends who became a part of our families. They earned their place in our lives as close as a sibling can be. They know our deepest and darkest secrets. And they share our greatest joys and sorrows.
However, when their lapse in judgment or deliberate decision causes us to hurt, it leaves us shattered. We may feel abandoned and deeply betrayed. How can we reconcile our hurt with forgiveness? Do they even deserve our forgiveness? How do we move forward? But most importantly, how do we do this as Christ-followers?
Consider The Full Story
Sometimes, the last thing we want to do when others hurt us is to consider the full story. After all, you feel that you have seen or heard enough of it. You just want to be able to erase the situation and the memory of the person altogether. You don’t want to have to play the scenario and what they said or did over and over again.
The truth is, as close as we think we know about someone else, we don’t see the entire story. A person’s intentions may seem so out of line with what we expect from them but do we get to throw away their whole worth to us? Why should we consider the full story is because we don’t see everything there is to see.
Consider ourselves and our relationship with God. We sin against God, not just in action but in thought and speech. And we do this daily. God is a Holy God and that is His standard. But we fall short each day. And yet, He does not cast us aside. He does not erase our relationship history and writes us off to move on to the next person. Even knowing our full story and seeing everything we would love to hide, He chooses to treat us better than we deserve.
He will not always accuse, nor will he harbor his anger forever; he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. - Psalms 103:9-10 (NIV)
In our case, maybe continuing with the friendship is not the best choice moving forward. But prayerfully consider the full story and see what the next step is for your friendship. Know that there is a season and a purpose for everything under heaven (Ecclesiastes 3:1). God can take this situation to teach both of you an invaluable lesson that can only come about from a situation like this.
Don’t Allow Bitterness To Harvest
The very thought of your former friend and what they did may sprout bitterness. But that is where you need to make a conscious and prayerful decision to stop it from growing. We cannot allow bitterness to consume us. Why? Because it imprisons us and steals our joy. Bitterness takes up precious space in our thoughts. It replaces the good memories we had and replaces them with the event of their wrongdoing. It can demonize them in our heads. But most of all, bitterness is not in the heart of God.
Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. - Ephesians 4:31-32 (ESV)
It can be easy to tell others to not be bitter but to practice can be hard. That is why we have to be intentional about letting go of bitterness. Even if you feel that you physically cannot help yourself from bitterness, pray sincerely that God takes it away from you. You must want to be rid of bitterness despite how you feel.
Forgive As You Have Been Forgiven
We live in a sinful world with sinful people. We know that we are sinners who fall short of the standard of God’s Holiness. And we humbly received Christ’s forgiveness. Our prayers daily may even consist of asking God to forgive our sins. But why is it so hard to forgive others? Especially when it is one that we claimed to have loved?
Perhaps the greatest betrayal of friendship was of Jesus and Judas. Judas was one of Jesus’s followers and a friend of the disciples. They had entrusted Judas with the finances of the ministry. Yet, we know the story. Judas betrayed Jesus for 30 pieces of silver. While Jesus knew that Judas would do that, imagine being one of the other disciples. To see the Lord that they had given their lives to follow be sold by one of their own. But God used that betrayal as an instrument for the greatest comeback to take place.
We cannot control how other people will behave or the decisions they will make. What we can control is our choice. We can choose to hold on to unforgiveness or live in obedience and forgive. Our sinful nature makes it hard to forgive anyone but hard should not stop us to live the way we are called to live. Because no matter how others have hurt us, God can still use the situation for good. Whether you continue with the friendship or not, forgiveness is something you must choose each day.
Bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. - Colossians 3:13 (ESV)
What To Do When You Hurt A Friend?
Some of us have made mistakes in our friendships. We may have said hurtful things or did something wrong to lose the trust of a friend. Maybe it is that we were not there for them in their dire times of need. Or maybe we deeply disappointed them with our actions or lack of actions. You may have tried to explain yourself and did your best to apologize. Maybe you did what you thought was in your power to do to recover the friendship. But it seems your friend has cut you off. So what do you do when it is them that cannot forgive a friend?
As much as we would like to fix what was broken, we are not in control when it comes to the decisions of others. We must respect their choice and give them space. You can continue to pray for them and offer help should they need it. But you must leave the friendship up to the Lord. God gives good things but we can still bless His name when it is taken from us.
The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord. - Job 1:21 (ESV)
Allow your friend to take as much time as they need. And trust God that even when that time is a “never” friendship with you.
Let Us Pray
Heavenly Father, thank you for the friends that you have blessed me with. While I mourn for the loss of friendship with (their name), give me healing. Give me Your heart to be able to understand and to let go of bitterness. I admit that sometimes I struggle with even wanting to forgive them. So give me the willingness to forgive and to be able to with your power. I pray a blessing over them and teach both of us to learn these lessons with grace. In Jesus’ name, I pray. Amen
Recommendation
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