One of the hardest things to deal with whether you’re a Christian or not is harboring negative feelings about certain people. This is especially the case when you often have to see or be in the same social circle as them. While we may grind our teeth at the very mention of their name, we need to overcome bitterness and resentment to live a peaceful life. Bitterness and resentment chain us more so than punishes those who hold them to. More importantly, we are called to forgive and love others.
What Is Bitterness And Resentment?
It is no secret that we live in a fallen world with our human, sinful nature. Bitterness and resentment can take many forms. It can be as simple as the way someone speaks to us more so than what they’re saying. Or it could be over years and years of verbal or physical abuse that we suffer. The person we hold bitterness and resentment towards can be a parent or a former friend.
No matter who caused it and how they caused it, bitterness and resentment can hold us hostage. We could be more than fine in other areas of our lives except for this one thing with this one person. They can trigger us to bring out the worst version of ourselves. We may leave each encounter not just bitter and resentful but guilty that we feel this way. So how can we come out on the other end and be set free? What does it take to overcome bitterness and resentment?
Overcome Bitterness And Resentment By The Roots
When it comes to us getting triggered by someone, it often has roots that go way back to our childhood. It may be that a parent, relative, or someone close to us responded in a negative way to something that was meaningful to us. The way they said what they said with a certain tone or look in their face leaves a negative imprint on our subconscious. While it is important to reflect and acknowledge what triggers us, we need to remove them from their roots. We can pray for these roots to be revealed to us. If we know or understand why we feel bitter and resentful towards that person, we can ask God to give us a tender heart instead.
I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. - Ezekiel 3:26 (NIV)
This may be harder to put into practice than one can read about or say to someone. However, understand that when we ask God in sincere prayer, it is not just up to us anymore. We are no longer alone with our might and our will to attempt to let go of our emotions. Because even in our past failures to overcome bitterness and resentment, God takes over our weaknesses when we allow Him to take charge.
I have personally held onto bitterness and resentment towards a family member for decades. Each time that they would “act up” according to my own standards of perfection, it would only add to the wounds. Even if I say that I forgive that time, the next event would only compound the bitterness and resentment towards that person. And I would demonize the person and label them as “selfish” or “evil” or any negative label I could come up with at the peak of my emotions.
But it was exhausting to carry on these feelings as long as I have. God is too good that He would not allow me to continue living in these chains. God wants to set us free from ourselves. And for us to do that, we need to go to our roots, which is our heavenly Father. While we may fall short of being able to forgive others the way God forgave us, the same God is able to tenderize our hearts so that we are able to overcome bitterness and resentment.
Overcome Bitterness And Resentment By Being Sincere
Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. - Ephesians 4:31 (NIV)
The Bible tells us to get rid of all bitterness along with every form of malice. And our willingness to obey God can be well-meaning that we may at least try. But one of the biggest obstacles when it comes to prayer is our insincerity. We can lie to others, we can even lie to ourselves. But we cannot lie to God because He sees our hearts. When we ask for Him to empower us, we must sincerely ask that we want to overcome bitterness and resentment.
We must admit that we cannot do it or even that we don’t want to do it. But God sees our sincerity that even when we’re not able to obey, He can help us to obey. We often know what is the right thing to do but our flesh may not even want to do it, let alone be able to do it. But in our weakness, He is strong.
let us draw near to God with a sincere heart and with the full assurance that faith brings, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. - Hebrews 10:21 (NIV)
Overcome Bitterness And Resentment By A Change Of Perspective
The amazing way that God works is that when we think we need to change others, He often wants to change us. We may feel indignant at the thought that it is us that needs to change. But it is often our perspective that requires an overhaul. When we look at people or situations through our own fallen lens, it is hard to see clearly. God sees us through a lens of grace that even when we are sinners, we found us valuable enough to send His son for. We often overlook this and even more often, fail to practice this.
When it came to confronting my own bitterness and resentment, I had desperately prayed to God that He would give me an opportunity. Even though I wanted to avoid that person with everything in me, I knew that God wanted me free. When the time did come to speak to that person, I faced everything that I thought I feared. It started with ugly confrontations, even yelling and cursing. But what came after was an unexplainable understanding. God changed my perspective of that person from this terrible human being to one that was hurt and misunderstood.
What God revealed in a short time started to unravel the years and years of damage. God is able to change our hearts and our perspective. He can reveal an understanding of why certain people act the way they do. When we’re able to see from their perspective, we take away the power they have over us. God is able to transform our thoughts and renew our minds.
Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. - Romans 12:2 (NIV)
Let Us Pray
Heavenly Father, thank you for your Grace. Thank you that you love me too much to let me continue living in chains of bitterness and resentment. You know my feelings towards this person. You see my anger, hurt, and frustration. I pray today that you will give me a tender heart. Give me the willingness to want to forgive this person. Empower me to overcome these feelings and give me a new heart that is in line with Yours. Just as I receive Your abundant grace freely, help me to have the same grace towards (name of person) that you love. In Jesus’s name, I pray. Amen.
Recommendation
Knowing God starts with knowing His Word. If you don’t already own a Bible, there are many churches that give one for free. You can also download a YouVersion Bible App. Or if you’d like a physical copy, it can easily be found on amazon.