One of the hardest challenges we will have to deal with in our lifetime is conflict. We live in a fallen world with imperfect people so avoiding them is pretty impossible. As Christ-followers though, dealing with conflict requires both truth and love. We are doing a disservice when we only practice one while neglecting the other. So what does this look like?
Dealing With Conflict With Both Truth And Love
Dealing with conflicts can be messy. Whether it is one that has built up with passive-aggression or a full-blown confrontation. It is really easy to play the blame game and to feel justified about how we feel. So what does dealing with conflict with both truth and love look like?
Check Our Hearts First
Before we point fingers and lay the facts on the other person, we need to take a step back. We need to realize what Jesus said about giving judgment first.
For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye. - Matthew 7:2-5 (NIV)
This introspection is crucial. We need to check our own intentions and make sure that we’re not going to hand judgment out of our own pride, hurt, or whatever negative emotions we have. At times, we can hide behind “correcting” a brother or sister-in-Christ when what we really want to do is satisfy our own negative emotions against them.
Because ultimately, God sees all the deepest, darkest corners of our hearts. Even if we convince ourselves or others, we cannot fool God. We must pay attention to the tug of the Holy Spirit before we give in to our own emotions.
Speak Truth AND Love
As we approach the person that we have a conflict with, we need to go in love. When Jesus was asked which is the greatest commandment, replied loving God and loving your neighbor as yourself.
“Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?” Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ - Matthew 22: 36-39 (NIV)
This can be a hard pill to swallow because our human nature wants to do the complete opposite. But that is why we need to lay ourselves down, including our pride and understanding in obedience to God’s words. We cannot approach a conflict without having that love for the other person. Love doesn’t have to mean a certain feeling you have in that particular moment. It is an active and conscious choice.
In the same way, we cannot hold back speaking the truth. This can sometimes be the most uncomfortable part of the conflict for many people. That is because some people cannot express the truth out of fear or out of adding other negative emotions into it. But when we speak the truth, it sheds light on the conflict. It brings out hidden motives and perspectives that the other person may not have seen before. We are robbing ourselves and the other person when we don’t express these truths.
No matter how good or bad we may think we are about communicating both truth and love when we submit to God, He gives us the right words to say. We can trust that God is a good, good Father that loves both you and the person you’re in conflict with. Submit yourself and have faith that He goes with you in dealing with conflicts in both truth and love.
Read also: How To Overcome Bitterness And Resentment
Let Us Pray
Heavenly Father, Thank You for that you deal with me with so much grace, all the time, beyond what I could ever deserve. I want to submit my hurt, pride, and anything else to you before I approach this conflict. Give me the wisdom to understand and speak both truth and love. Thank You for both us both that relationships are at the heart of Who you are. Prepare their hearts as well during this time. In Jesus’ name. Amen.
Recommendation
Knowing God starts with knowing His Word. If you don’t already own a Bible, there are many churches that give one for free. You can also download a YouVersion Bible App. Or if you’d like a physical copy, it can easily be found on amazon.