Marriage can be the most wonderful and fulfilling relationship. We may search for that person all our lives to find and build a family with. But it can also be the most challenging and draining relationship. Our spouses are the only people that see everything about us just like how we’re the only ones that see everything about them. When we’re going through a rough patch in our marriage, whether that has been weeks, months, or even years, we may find ourselves losing hope. But there is hope in a difficult marriage and we can look at what we can do.
Finding Hope In A Difficult Marriage
In a letter to the Corinthians, Paul said,
But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this. - 1 Corinthians 7: 28 (NIV)
It is not because Paul is against marriage. But because Paul knows that we are human, living in a fallen world, we will surely face many troubles in this life. Our troubles may come from our own internal struggles from the past that we did not address or our current situation in which we disagree on just about every issue. It could be how we handle our household finances, how we should discipline our children, or how we spend time at work versus with our families and with each other.
What can make it worse is seeing other seemingly happy couples on social media. You may find that your friend’s spouse is always gushing publicly about their spouse and how they treat them. Meanwhile, your spouse seems to find something to complain about. You may see others always going on dates or vacationing together while you and your spouse can barely stay in the same room without arguing. Or maybe other couples seem to be on the same page raising their children with equal amounts of effort and you feel like you’re doing all the work.
Seeing others can highlight what is missing in your own marriage. That is the danger of comparison. So where can you start in finding hope for your difficult marriage? You may think you know of all the ways that your spouse needs to change. But what can you do at this moment?
Be Honest About Where You Stand
It is in our human nature to self-preserve. When others hurt us, many of us put up a wall in defense. We even go into attack mode in self-defense. What happens then is we see the other person as the problem and the only reason from which all our difficulties come. But we need to be honest with where we stand: do we desire to work through our issues? Is our hope in a difficult marriage only a fantasy that we’re not actively going after? Change starts with our intentions and willingness to go after it.
That includes taking the courage to protect yourself and your children if your spouse is physically or sexually abusive. You should never risk the safety of your family.
Define Minor Issues Versus Major Problems
Trouble in any relationship can start with something small. And that small thing can add up when it becomes a lot of small things compounded over time. You both can define what are minor issues and major problems that simply cannot be addressed in a short amount of time or without the help of a professional. Minor issues are ones where both of you can have an adult conversation about achieving the same goal. Maybe that is when it comes to making the best decisions for your children. Or how they communicate certain information to you without making you feel negative about yourself.
Minor issues have a resolution, even if they are bigger decisions like how to handle big changes like buying a home or disagreements about moving across the country. Major problems are not so straightforward. When a spouse breaks their marital vows or abandons you and the family, it takes a lot more for a resolution. While God hates divorce, He allows it in the case of sexual immorality (Matthew 19:8). But our God is also a God of redemption and Grace. Even though divorce may be justifiable with the unfaithfulness of a spouse, you can both find hope.
That is why seeking professional, unbiased help is necessary. Additionally, having the church body for prayers, encouragement, and comfort will give you hope during difficult times.
Anticipate Hope Instead Of Focusing On The Difficulty
When we’re going through difficulties, it is so easy to drown ourselves in the situation. Many of us tend to only live in the present when it comes to suffering. But this does not and should not be the case. We can look for hope and even anticipate it. Because God can save your marriage, no matter the circumstances. We may think that staying in a relationship could only make us miserable. Or that your spouse is unwilling to put in the work needed to save your marriage. But our God is in the business of being able to do the impossible.
No matter what, whether your marriage overcomes the troubles now or later when you submit to God and anticipate in the hope that He gives, you cannot lose. We can find hope in a difficult marriage and even stay positive.
Let Us Pray
Heavenly Father, thank you for the hope in any difficult situations, including this marriage. Help us to honor this Holy covenant and forgive us for forgetting the love that You exemplified for us. Shape us to be a family that puts all our hope in You while you work in us. In Jesus’s name, I pray.
Recommendation
Knowing God starts with knowing His Word. If you don’t already own a Bible, there are many churches that give one for free. You can also download a YouVersion Bible App. Or if you’d like a physical copy, it can easily be found on amazon. Additionally, knowing your own and your spouse’s love language can give you a different perspective for your relationship.