One of the hardest feelings to deal with is wanting to be genuinely happy for others but you struggle to be. Whether it’s your closest friends, siblings, or other family members, you’re expected to be happy for their successes and breakthroughs. That expectation could be from yourself and them, which can cause a great amount of guilt. So how can you be happy for others when your life is not falling into place?
Life’s Scenarios
Most of us have gone through something similar to this. Imagine that you have been praying and working so hard to find that job that you dreamed of. You have gone above and beyond to polish your resume and cover letter, you reached out to certain people for references and researched all that you needed to know about the position and possible interview questions. But you didn’t get the job, instead, it was a friend who happened to have met the right person in the company and ended up getting the job.
Or imagine, you have been praying for a significant other. You have stayed pure, wanting to wait for the right person rather than to settle. But your best friend just got engaged! And your other childhood friend that got married last year is now expecting a baby. Oh and your little cousin that’s so much less mature than you just met a wonderful person out of their league. Are you kidding me??
These things happen. You want to be happy for them, celebrate with them but all you can think is what about me? This is a feeling that I have gone through too often. Our family has been fervently praying to have a baby. Because of the age that we’re in, there seems to be every one that we know who is getting pregnant. We have been trying for three years while our friends got pregnant a month after trying. It can be a hard pill to swallow, dealing with your emotions when these things happen. Read here if you’re praying for a baby too.
How To Be Happy For Others
So how can we combat this cloud of envy that’s closely followed by guilt? How can we be happy for others when we don’t want to be? How can we have God’s heart when we’re being challenged in this area? Here are some actionable steps we can take to be happy for others.
Count Your Blessings
One of the most powerful ways that we can shift our thoughts from the “let’s feel sorry for me” is to count our blessings. It’s human nature to look at other people’s success and want to have the same. But we have so much if you can count it out. For us, these are the things we count-out.
1. For Jesus
The fact that we get to know Jesus and have a personal relationship means our future is secured forever. We can always go to Him with our burdens and He promises to always be with us.
And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age. - Matthew 28:20
2. Our Health
As cliche as it is, we are so thankful for our health. Think about it, how much does it cost a kidney transplant? A quick google search will show you upwards of $95,000. How about a heart transplant? Over a million US dollars. Even more minor health issues will demand more money than the average American would like to afford. We take our health for granted and even something as seasonal like the flu can remind us that we can’t take our health for granted. We are also so thankful for our family and friends that are all healthy too.
3. Love and friendships
We are so blessed with the love that we have with our family members, even if it’s not with all family members. You can think about the close friendships and the love of close pets. True love cannot be bought.
4. Provision
Among so many other people in the world without a home, we are so grateful to have a roof over our head. God has blessed us with the means to have a place to stay, food to eat, and for bills to be paid. Knowing that there are children in other countries who have to beg for a living really puts it into perspective how blessed we are.
5. Opportunities
Having opportunities to work and to make money is something that may not have passed your mind if you never had it. Whether it was because of the education you were able to receive, the God-given skills that you were able to develop, or having met the right connections to get you to where you are, those are not available to everyone. Can you really say that you are where you are because of you and your capabilities alone? Whether someone has helped us or hurt us, they help shape who and where we are.
If you find that your list is too short, you can start a gratitude journal. Write down every single day when something good happens that you’re grateful for. It can be something as small as a bright sunny day or seeing flowers bloom. It can be coming up with a funny clever comment. You can write it anywhere or in a journal like this.
Work Through Your Emotions
It is important to communicate your feelings and to not suppress them. Many people push those they love away when they don’t know how else to deal with their feelings. Or they shut themselves in, not allowing others to see their vulnerabilities. The truth is, others cannot know exactly how you feel. They can’t read your mind, even if they know you well.
Instead of suppressing how you feel, prayerful talk to them or to a trusted, Godly person in your life. If you need some form of counseling, that’s perfectly ok too! Communicating your feelings will help you vent out what may have been bubbling up. Know that what you’re feeling is not just you being a horrible person. We have a sinful nature but it doesn’t have to control us or define us.
Read: Psalm 139:13-14, Luke 12:7
Additionally, know that other people’s journey is entirely different than your own. Their successes does not mean that you are a failure. God’s answering their prayers doesn’t mean He won’t answer yours. You are not defined by others. Just as you cannot compare apples and oranges, why compare two entirely different humans with different experiences and calling? God knows you by the very hairs on your head. You are fearfully and wonderfully made in His image for a purpose. Your purpose is not diminished by what is going on in other people’s lives. God’s purpose in your life will still prevail.
Many are the plans in a person's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails. - Proverbs 19:21
Dive Into The Truth Of The Word
The Bible is filled with wisdom and truth. That is why we need it daily. The word tells us to renew our minds.
Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. - Romans 12:2
God is aware of our human nature and weak tendencies. He knows the struggles that we are facing and He sees you where you’re at. But that is why He also equipped us to know His truth. In fact, the very first thing we are to put in the whole armor of God is the belt of truth. What does God say about what you need? He says,
And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus. - Philippians 4:19
What does He say about your future?
Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. - Jeremiah 29:11
And what does He say about Himself?
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. - Isaiah 55: 8-9
What is He able to do?
Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, - Ephesians 3:20
And what does He want you to do?
But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. - Matthew 6:33
Dive in, friend. There are so many truths in the Living Word that will set you free from your self-pity and your guilt. Look to Him and not your own situation.
Remember What God Has Done
While we get so caught up in praying for what we want at the moment, we tend to be forgetful of all the other times God has come through for us. The truth is God has answered so many prayers already that we have asked. So to remind us of this, we need to spend the time to remember. Along with counting our blessings, let us be like David who wrote,
I remember the days of long ago; I meditate on all your works and consider what your hands have done. - Psalm 143:5
Let Us Pray
Heavenly Father, thank you that we are able to come to the throne whenever we need. I admit that I know what is the right thing to do but I can be so petty. I want to be happy for others but I get caught up in my own desires. What’s worse, I even get resentful at them and at You for not answering my prayers yet. But God, help me to trust You for my future, fully knowing that You are a good, good Father. Build my faith while I’m waiting for you to provide for me. And most importantly, guide me to seek Your kingdom and righteousness instead of focusing on what I lack. I pray all this in Jesus’s name. Amen